Don’t bother looking for “Conversations with God #13”. There isn’t one. Just a little weird humor, I guess. There’s never a 13th floor in hotels, Friday the 13th, etc. But it’s only a joke. Nothing more.
So – these “Conversations with God…”. To clarify, each has a message that I think is important. The commonality is that each is inspired by an actual conversation between me and God – one that took place that same day – but the conversation, or the inspiration, continues as I write it down. Whatever inspirational process that is taking place continues as I write, so that the message is presented as clearly as possible, and sometimes even supplemented. These messages, these conversations, are intended to be helpful, and that’s it. I think they reveal Christ – and as such they are revelatory. If they helped me, I assume they might help you. If they bring me comfort or understanding or knowledge, I assume that they might very well bring you these same things in at least some small measure. Therefore I share. I hope you enjoy.
Lord, I feel like I’ve been detached from you the last 3-4 days. I’ve been so caught up in questions like “why” (asked 5 or more times in sequence), that I’ve missed you. I know this is a bit selfish, but I just need you. I need to hear from you, I need to feel you. I need to be comforted by you.
Of course, I always try to make sure that this relationship, this communion…well, that I keep it on the purest of terms. I try to eliminate feelings of guilt, or regret, or even repentance. I don’t want anything from you but you. I can come to you for comfort and reassurance – that’s what friends do. But it’s so easy for that to devolve into “save me” in its various forms, and that’s somehow not pure anymore. It was a good start, but I think we’ve moved beyond that. And, I ask myself, “Why do I not simply rejoice that I can come and speak to, and find comfort and assurance with, you – Jesus Christ, the prototype of the saved man, the resurrected Christ who has “overcome the world”? I realize that if I come to you simply because I have a friend who is completely trustworthy, and completely understanding, and never judgmental; to whom I can confide anything and everything, and receive counsel and comfort and clarity…that’s pure and good and light. But if I start to think, “This is so special, and it makes me special”, well, now I’ve polluted the whole thing. Now I’ve inserted my ego, and crossed over into unrighteous desires, and…now it’s no longer perfect. Yet – somehow, you still leave it to me to understand that and figure that out. You give me time. You’re patient. You have confidence in me. You trust me. That’s pretty cool, huh!
Yes, my son, it is. You keep going. You’re on a roll.
Well, Lord, I need comfort now. I go to two people for this comfort. I go to my wife, of course, and to you. You’re both equally trustworthy, and you’re both equally kind. I think you’re just a little bit smarter, though, and your perspective is much bigger than hers, LOL! Anyway, this job I’ve been doing is stressful on so many levels, and I’m getting tired, and I need to go home, and I’m starting to question myself. Yet, I don’t know why. Usually, I can gain some sort of understanding as to why I’m feeling stressed or why I’m questioning, but I’m not so sure right now.
My son, let me ask you something. In all of your interactions with people, do you ever try to manipulate them in any way? Do you ever treat them with anything but respect and compassion? Do you ever try to influence someone to do something that they might otherwise not do by lying, or by withholding information that would help them? Do you ever withhold compliments or encouragement just because maybe YOU’RE not feeling that great? Do you ever do or say things in an effort to elevate yourself over someone else? Or – do you, instead, always seek to recognize the good in people, and encourage them, and compliment them, and reason with them, and promote greater understanding and wisdom?
Well, Lord, now that you put it that way, I guess I’m doing ok. But I don’t always spend my time wisely – I sit and pitter on facebook, and play free-cell, and watch Big Bang Theory in the evenings, I could be spending my time so much more wisely. There are many things I could feel guilty about.
My son, let me put it to you this way…NONE OF THAT MATTERS! What matters is what I said before. Do you love people?
I’ve told you this many times, but because you’re so diligent in your introspection, you keep asking me for assurance that you’re doing ok. You get distracted by all the voices that are not mine. I tell you again, and I will tell you as many times as I need to – you are fine! Your heart is right. As long as you do not seek to control others; as long as you always seek for common welfare; as long as you lift, rather than separate – these are the things that are important. This is “becoming love”. So, I tell you again, that you may have peace…Trust me. Relax. And I know this is going to last about 10 minutes – until you walk out that door, and begin again questioning and wondering if you’re doing good enough. And that’s ok. Ask me again in 10 minutes, and I’ll tell you the same thing. Trust me. Relax. It’s all good, and you’re beautiful and perfect, and we’re friends, and we’ll never stop being friends, and I’ll always be here for you…in you, around you, through you. I am your light, and you are my voice. Slowly, quietly, with shared love, and mercy, and compassion, and understanding; with faith and hope and charity; lifting and encouraging…loving…together…we will overcome the world.