As we prepare to leave for Boise today, I’m experiencing doubt. I’ve found in my life it’s not good to run away from things, especially fears, but it is better to face them. Why the doubts? Let me count the ways:
- There are some who talk about secret things they know about Denver and/or the inner circle that they won’t share (c’mon guys – that’s like saying, “I know a secret, but I’m not gonna tell you. Neener, Neener, Neener!)
- People whose voice I have respected in the past who are so vocal against this covenant idea. What’s their reason. Is it just fear? Some deep seated ego competition with the persona that we’ve created for Denver?
- The idea of an inner circle period. I guess that shouldn’t bother me. I have an inner circle that I communicate with – private things that I wouldn’t share publicly. It seems like a pretty natural development in any community. Am I just jealous because I’m not included in it?
- This whole John Doe thing – not because of John Doe, but because of how the rumor mill just shot sky high almost immediately. I’ve seen judgment and self-righteousness shoot out of control – accusers at every turn. Lots of “shake my head” moments. “WHERE’S THE LOVE AND FORGIVENESS?”What kind of people am I joining up with? Of course, here I am judging and accusing the accusers
- Things I’ve heard of others within our group who are equally inappropriate in their actions – ahh, more rumors.
- My own knowledge that I rely much more on personal revelation than I do deep scripture study. I rely on love, not rules. This is my strength. Is it betraying me at this stage in my journey?
- Awareness of my own fallibility in receiving revelation. Am I being told to do only what I want to do? Well not any more, because I’m feeling like I’m doing what I’ve been told to do by the Lord in spite of the doubts. In other words, I’m braving the hurricane, kicking and screaming, trusting my first revelation before all the opposition began swirling with such force. You see, this is a perfect conundrum – one so evident in the LDS church. “If you have doubts – that’s just opposition from Satan”. Sure to keep you in line, eh?
- We have created a cult of Denver. It exists. He may not want it. I and others may not want it, but it has happened. Is Denver secretly soaking this up and manipulating it for his own purposes? I’ve never met the man. How do I know for sure?
So – why am I not running away, screaming at the top of my lungs?
Well, let me count the ways:
- Nothing as amazing as the opportunity to be part of Zion is going to be easy.
- What is happening here is unprecedented. It has never been done. Searching the scriptures for precedence is fruitless. There may be patterns, to be sure, but we’re breaking new ground here. The limited prophecies that we have – what are they going to look like as they unfold? How can so many be so sure that this is not EXACTLY the way it is going to look?
- Despite all the railing about Denver and his possible motivations – this is NOT about him. It’s about each of us and Christ – learning of His nature (guess what – His nature is LOVE – CHARITY!) Regardless of what others may be doing to elevate Denver into a role created by us – I am not doing that. I do not want to do that. I only want to stand side-by-side – all of us together, to embark on this journey.
- What an amazing opportunity to learn charity! We have a group of people, each with their own particular brand of weakness and insecurity, each with their own manifestation of sin – including myself – who need to experience the pure love of Christ. They need to see it, they need to receive it, they need to give it. How is Charity made manifest? Through human relationships! I can have all the charity in the world in my heart, but if I don’t manifest it through relationships, it does no good. If I’m the only man in the world, and I go around giving love, is it really love? I don’t believe we’re going to start Zion in perfection. The Lord will mold us into Zion, and we have to start somewhere. Then we have to let Him do His work.
- I cannot believe that, if I am moving forward with the purest of motivations, even in the face of intellectual (not spiritual) opposition such as that swirling around us, Christ is going to condemn me or abandon me. Warnings have been voiced – “You will suffer! You don’t know how hard this is going to be! There will be trials!”. My favorite – from someone unwilling to move forward with this, “Let me know how that works out for you!”.
- There really is nothing in this covenant that I have not already committed to. It’s not a new thing – it’s just a shared thing.
- This people, this community, if nothing else, manifests hope. We hope for salvation. We hope for peace. We hope for Zion. We hope for love. We hope for redemption. We hope to see the Lord’s face, each individually. We hope to experience Christ walking among us. We who accept this covenant will move forward in faith. Lots of faith. Tons of faith. Hard faith.
And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
Well, now there’s a scriptural precedent – one I can sink my own teeth into.
So, my friends. This post has been therapeutic for me. I feel much better now. I’ve had to type it in a hurry, so please forgive any clumsiness or lack of polish. As we move forward, let us do so in love, because love is the only manifestation of human endeavor that is eternal. Everything else is a temporary illusion. Faith and hope exist only to lead us to charity – the pure love of Christ. As we exercise this faith and hope, let us not forget the ultimate goal, and I hope and pray that we will soar on its wings.