Polluting the Love of Christ

I have come to recognize just today that I perpetually pollute my relationship with Christ. I do that by putting conditions on His love, and as a result I put conditions on my love – my love for Him and my love for others. When I do this, I can’t receive His love unless I am “worthy”, and I can’t love Him unless I am “worthy”. I then, of course, force myself to be worthy of the love of others, and I force them to be worthy of my love. This is all a lie, and believing this lie, living this lie, will prevent us from becoming one with Him. It will ultimately rob us of our salvation.

I feel like I have to earn His love by being obedient. Intellectually, I know this isn’t true, but emotionally and spiritually, even doctrinally, I impose this condition on Him – on US – every minute of every hour of ever day. The checklists that define most churches are extreme examples of this condition, but we can reject those checklists, as I have, and still not be free of this belief, or this form of unbelief – unbelief because we do not believe HIM – because we continue to put conditions on His love. It is a great irony that I actually think that by rejecting the checklists of the churches I am somehow closer to earning His love. In rejecting the checklists of the churches, I have done nothing more than to create a new checklist – this time one of my own making, but a checklist nonetheless. It’s just a different list of conditions. I’ve still put conditions on His love that do not really exist. I will even go so far as to say that we put conditions on our salvation that do not really exist.

You say, “but baptism is required for salvation!”, and indeed it seems to be, but what does baptism really symbolize? Repentance? Repentance from what? From transgressing against a checklist? So, we’re supposedly burying the old and arising a new person? What if it really means burying this old person who insists on having to earn everything in life, including someone’s love; and who insists on distinguishing themselves from others by perpetual judgment; who insists on creating checklists that qualify us for Christ’s love? What if arising means arising a new person who truly believes; who truly believes that love and peace is the default condition of this universe, and that, like intelligence, it can neither be created nor made…nor earned – it simply is. What a brilliant plan of Satan – the deceiver, or the spirit of deceit – to plant in our hearts that we must “eat our bread by the sweat of our brow”. How does this compare to “consider the lilies”? In the Sermon on the Mount, Christ is calling us to redemption – to redemption from the fall, where we must earn our survival by the sweat of our brow. He is calling us to the redeemed state where, indeed, love just is, just as Christ is the I AM; where we can be perfect, even as our Father in Heaven is perfect, and where we can consider the lilies.

I don’t know how I personally am going to overcome this, but I know I must. I must stop competing with others in every thought – because, think about it, to compete I must judge. To compete I must maintain separation. If I have to earn Christ’s love, is that not competition? If I’m competing with Christ, or for Christ’s love, am I not perpetuating the separation? Do you think you do not suffer from this? I encourage you to look deeply, because I assure you that 99.9999% of us do. I don’t recall meeting the person who does not.

I know this – I have been shown a key to Zion. I have been shown a key to ascending from a telestial existence to a terrestrial existence. Is it really that simple? I don’t know that yet, but it is essential. Until I can learn to just love, without conditions; to receive love, without conditions; to BE love, without conditions; I cannot be part of Zion. There may be more that I have to learn, but until I learn this, everything else will be insufficient for me to exist in Zion.

Of course, I have to ask myself…have I not just created another condition? Have I not just begun another checklist? Is it now a condition that I place no conditions on love? I suppose I have, but that condition is the one condition that defines our true existence. All other conditions are distractions and illusions. This condition is the condition of truth. It is not a distraction, it simply is. It IS real existence. It IS intelligence. It IS eternal life.

This journey – this journey to “seek to know Him”, that I began who knows how long ago – keeps getting more difficult, more strenuous, and more challenging, but it is the only journey worth taking. I might be frightened at the prospect of Zion. I AM frightened at the prospect of Zion. None of us are ready. It is going to be painful and stressful and it will test most of us beyond our ability to endure. I suspect most will fall away, broken and disillusioned. But Christ’s love will endure forever regardless of what we do or become. And if we can learn to love as Christ loves – with charity – the pure love of Christ – unconditional love – then we can do it. Any other journey we might take will only result in death. Only a life of charity can be worth living…for eternity. That life will be, must be, fueled by love without conditions – love that just IS. God bless us all that we might seek this love; that we might receive this love without seeking to earn it; and that it might flow through us unto all the world.

Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. (Isaiah 55:1)

9 comments on “Polluting the Love of Christ

  1. Life is a time span for us to understand that our spirits are perfect and we are to make a choice between seeing ourselves as separate and doing what we want, or CHOOSING GOD and think with our spirit minds to understand what God’s will is for each of us. In choosing God our life can become peaceful and more simple.

    • It’s funny, Colleen – how we can come up with these spectacular distillations of the truth – simple yet elegant. This is a profound insight. Thanks for sharing.

  2. This post really resonated with me. As I am nearing completion on my memoir, one of my big aha! moments is that I, and my parents before me, grew up believing in God’s abundant mercy but, given our own insecurities, we saw ourselves as unworthy of that love. In my striving, I put conditions on God and myself. I’m not sure there is a resolution on this earth. We can’t not strive, or we’re giving up hope. But when we strive, I think we need to claim that ongoing struggle as part of the human condition. We can never be perfect, but we can come to accept our imperfections (unworthiness), knowing that God loves us in spite of ourselves.

    • Delightful to hear from you, Lenore. I’m reading a book right now called, “A Course in Miracles”. It is informing much of what I’m learning and experiencing lately. I think we can be perfect – Christ even commands us to be perfect in the sermon on the mount. Think of it this way – our past is forgiven. That’s why He died. The future hasn’t happened yet. So, we CAN be perfect in the only time frame we can control – the NOW. I’m on the verge of something revolutionary, and I think He is leading me there. I hope to continue to chronicle the journey.

  3. Beautiful my friend. Amen!

  4. I read your posts now and then, but don’t usually comment. You don’t really know who I am, but I have heard of you (don’t worry — just a sign that your blog is talked about from time to time). I wonder about how you feel about the other families you used to live with in Idaho. You are still there, right? Are you reconciled with them? Has this journey made a difference to your feelings toward them? I am curious. I have struggled with rejection from loved ones who don’t like the choices I have made. I wonder if all this study from that course has made you see them differently? I wonder how this all looks in real life for me. Does loving mean reconciling?

    • Sarah, What you have described is, for me, the ultimate measure of the degree to which I have adapted these things into my life. You can trust that I have pondered the answer to this question extensively ever since that all happened. For obvious reasons, I don’t want to discuss specifics in this public forum.

  5. As I read your question more closely…are we reconciled? No, probably not. Feelings were deeply hurt. I have no doubt everyone is trying to forgive, but trust would be hard to come by for all, I’m sure. When we’ve met by chance, we’ve been cordial to each other, but it is clear that not all is forgiven. For my part, when I see them, I am genuinely glad to see them, but I don’t know if the feelings are mutual. Has this journey made a difference? Yes, it has, but it’s all on me. It’s the way I see them, love them, understand that there’s really nothing that I have to forgive – they are simply learning as I am, as we all are, and nothing that any of us has done has estranged us from Christ. Still, our individual weaknesses – the things we have yet to learn – may still keep us from being reconciled – from being “bosom buddies”.

    Christ remains the example. Even though we as individuals, or as a “people”, may not be reconciled to him (we are still victims of the fall), that doesn’t mean He loves us any less.

    Thanks so much for your question. It has caused me to, once again, examine that relationship – especially in the light of the journey.

    • I completely understand the sensitivity of these questions. I want to understand how people who have gone through hard things (I would guess the others would feel it was hard too) can move on when the goal for all included (I would guess) is Zion. How can God gather people who are at odds with each other? Isn’t Zion a place where all labor for the good of all? How can that be done when there is not a reconciliation? I have thought about this quite a bit because there are relationships amiss in my life. I think I have a big pill to swallow and just own my own contribution and forgive them. Won’t my measure of forgiveness be equal to how I forgive? I am not certain that means be with them, but if we are all to gather… there I go again. It seems I must reconcile to those who are seeking to be of Christ or I am not really His. Would that not be so? More than likely, I would not be the one allowed in — for my heart is too hard or stubborn. So, I wonder if reconciliation is vital. It might be. These are poor ramblings of a nobody. Sorry to have bothered you.

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