I have come to recognize just today that I perpetually pollute my relationship with Christ. I do that by putting conditions on His love, and as a result I put conditions on my love – my love for Him and my love for others. When I do this, I can’t receive His love unless I am “worthy”, and I can’t love Him unless I am “worthy”. I then, of course, force myself to be worthy of the love of others, and I force them to be worthy of my love. This is all a lie, and believing this lie, living this lie, will prevent us from becoming one with Him. It will ultimately rob us of our salvation.
I feel like I have to earn His love by being obedient. Intellectually, I know this isn’t true, but emotionally and spiritually, even doctrinally, I impose this condition on Him – on US – every minute of every hour of ever day. The checklists that define most churches are extreme examples of this condition, but we can reject those checklists, as I have, and still not be free of this belief, or this form of unbelief – unbelief because we do not believe HIM – because we continue to put conditions on His love. It is a great irony that I actually think that by rejecting the checklists of the churches I am somehow closer to earning His love. In rejecting the checklists of the churches, I have done nothing more than to create a new checklist – this time one of my own making, but a checklist nonetheless. It’s just a different list of conditions. I’ve still put conditions on His love that do not really exist. I will even go so far as to say that we put conditions on our salvation that do not really exist.
You say, “but baptism is required for salvation!”, and indeed it seems to be, but what does baptism really symbolize? Repentance? Repentance from what? From transgressing against a checklist? So, we’re supposedly burying the old and arising a new person? What if it really means burying this old person who insists on having to earn everything in life, including someone’s love; and who insists on distinguishing themselves from others by perpetual judgment; who insists on creating checklists that qualify us for Christ’s love? What if arising means arising a new person who truly believes; who truly believes that love and peace is the default condition of this universe, and that, like intelligence, it can neither be created nor made…nor earned – it simply is. What a brilliant plan of Satan – the deceiver, or the spirit of deceit – to plant in our hearts that we must “eat our bread by the sweat of our brow”. How does this compare to “consider the lilies”? In the Sermon on the Mount, Christ is calling us to redemption – to redemption from the fall, where we must earn our survival by the sweat of our brow. He is calling us to the redeemed state where, indeed, love just is, just as Christ is the I AM; where we can be perfect, even as our Father in Heaven is perfect, and where we can consider the lilies.
I don’t know how I personally am going to overcome this, but I know I must. I must stop competing with others in every thought – because, think about it, to compete I must judge. To compete I must maintain separation. If I have to earn Christ’s love, is that not competition? If I’m competing with Christ, or for Christ’s love, am I not perpetuating the separation? Do you think you do not suffer from this? I encourage you to look deeply, because I assure you that 99.9999% of us do. I don’t recall meeting the person who does not.
I know this – I have been shown a key to Zion. I have been shown a key to ascending from a telestial existence to a terrestrial existence. Is it really that simple? I don’t know that yet, but it is essential. Until I can learn to just love, without conditions; to receive love, without conditions; to BE love, without conditions; I cannot be part of Zion. There may be more that I have to learn, but until I learn this, everything else will be insufficient for me to exist in Zion.
Of course, I have to ask myself…have I not just created another condition? Have I not just begun another checklist? Is it now a condition that I place no conditions on love? I suppose I have, but that condition is the one condition that defines our true existence. All other conditions are distractions and illusions. This condition is the condition of truth. It is not a distraction, it simply is. It IS real existence. It IS intelligence. It IS eternal life.
This journey – this journey to “seek to know Him”, that I began who knows how long ago – keeps getting more difficult, more strenuous, and more challenging, but it is the only journey worth taking. I might be frightened at the prospect of Zion. I AM frightened at the prospect of Zion. None of us are ready. It is going to be painful and stressful and it will test most of us beyond our ability to endure. I suspect most will fall away, broken and disillusioned. But Christ’s love will endure forever regardless of what we do or become. And if we can learn to love as Christ loves – with charity – the pure love of Christ – unconditional love – then we can do it. Any other journey we might take will only result in death. Only a life of charity can be worth living…for eternity. That life will be, must be, fueled by love without conditions – love that just IS. God bless us all that we might seek this love; that we might receive this love without seeking to earn it; and that it might flow through us unto all the world.
Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. (Isaiah 55:1)