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Conversation with God 2 – 7/31/13

In His ArmsHeavenly Father, why is it that sometimes I can feel you so close, I can hear you, and talk to you, but at other times, there seems to be no connection at all?

 Silence

Like, last Sunday, when Diana and I were fasting, and I was praying early in the morning, I really felt like you were talking to me, like we had a real connection.  It was so….real and immediate!

THEN FAST AGAIN

Oh, there you are!  Ok, I’ll fast tomorrow.

NO, FAST TODAY.

But, I didn’t prepare.  And I’ve got my writing class today.

THAT DOESN’T MATTER.  FAST TODAY.

Ok.  What should I fast for?

I DON’T CARE.  YOU WANT TO SEE THE SAVIOR.  FAST FOR THAT.  I JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU’RE WILLING TO DO IT.

Oh, (insert revelatory leap here) I need to learn to be even more obedient and responsive to your commands.  But fasting is easy – it doesn’t really prove very much.

YES, BUT WE HAVE TO START SOMEWHERE.

But, father, I’ve been learning for years now to be more obedient.

YES, AND THE LESSONS ARE ABOUT TO GET MORE INTENSE.  YOU SAID YOU WANT TO MEET THE SAVIOR.

Oh, Father, yes I do!  I want to feel the fullness of His love.  I know I’ve been working hard at realizing that this can’t be about me – that it has to be about my service, about being more empowered to build thy kingdom – to build Zion.  And I do understand that even when I do receive the Second Comforter, I can’t tell anyone except perhaps a select few.  I think I get that now.

THEN IT’S TIME FOR THE NEXT LESSONS. ARE YOU READY?

I don’t know, Heavenly Father.  I sure hope so.  I know I want this more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life – well, at least the part I remember.  I also know that you will help me. I trust that if you think I’m ready, then I must be.  It’s still a little scary though.

IT WILL BE OK.  I’LL BE THERE.

Thanks, Heavenly Father.  I guess I’ll go now.  But, I don’t want to go!  I love hearing your voice!  I love talking to you like this!  I love YOU, Heavenly Father for all you’ve done for me.

I LOVE YOU, TOO, MY SON.

(Insert swelling inside.  It’s alarming how it grows, but then it stops.)  Heavenly Father – please, don’t go – I want to feel the fullness of thy love.  Don’t cut it off.  Please – I want it all.

BUT DON’T YOU SEE? YOU’RE NOT READY FOR IT ALL.  I DIDN’T CUT IT OFF, YOU DID.

So, what do I need to do?  I want to let you in completely.

TRUST ME.

Ok.  I guess I need to go now.  I know I have to write this down.  Father, I love you.  And, Heavenly Father, please give Heavenly Mother my love, too.  I’m trying to learn to remember Her, but it’s not easy – there’s so much traditional baggage.  Tell Her that I know she’s there, and I know she loves me, too, but that I respect her privacy.

In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

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